I feel great
I just peed on a car
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
