please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
