Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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