So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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