I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
