My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
