I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is wine microwaveable?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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