he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
