I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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