Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
