the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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