i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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