I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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