I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
