OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
