community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
