They should really pass out barf bags in church
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize