he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
