Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
