I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
