I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
