So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
