Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
