You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
