so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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