On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
