It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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