i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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