I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
