Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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