I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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