First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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