I cannot find my penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
