omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
