just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
