he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
