Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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