I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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