dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
