im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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