i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
