it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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