Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
