forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize