I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
