Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
