So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And then he peed in my hair
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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