i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
