So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize