I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
