Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
