My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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