I CAN MOONWALK!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
