Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
