Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
