I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
