I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
