I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
farters have to be the big spoon...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
