I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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