k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are a genius and a whore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
