I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
