So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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