The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
