All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
