I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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