I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
