Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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