Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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