I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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