Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
