I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
