Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
