the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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