Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
