If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
