Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
