I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
