so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize