so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
