FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
