need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize