Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
