What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
