We need to rekindle our bromance
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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