My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
