watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
