Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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