I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
