I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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