Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize