Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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