just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
