I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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