she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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