just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
