I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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