as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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