Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
