You work out of a Hotel?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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