Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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