So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to make out with him forever
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