He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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