i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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