I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
