Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
