At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just threw up on my dentist
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
